Meditation

I often wake up in the middle of the night to full symphonic works playing in my head. They're never anything I've ever heard before, in the sense that they haven't been borrowed or composed by anyone else, however they do sometimes repeat themselves. I've come to realize that my resting mind miraculously makes beautiful melodies and orchestrations of it's own, and yet as soon as I realize what's going on, the sounds go away. I'm left struggling to grasp any of the melodic line I can hold onto...and as I come into consciousness, they disappear completely.

The first time this happened to me was in middle school. I remember it very vividly - I woke up to a beautiful sunny morning in the summertime. At the time, I had a white mosquito net hanging around my bed, and as I came out of my dream, I opened my eyes to see the world outside my window through this net. It was bright, and warm, and lovely. I hadn't thought much of it at the time, but I was always happy to wake up to these musical dreams I dreamt. In these past few years, I've started wondering about the part of my brain that comes up with this music, and why I've never experienced it while my mind and body are fully awake. Maybe it's because when I'm resting, my mind is free to work on it's own, without yielding to the many thoughts I have about work, life, traffic, chores, etc.

I've conversed with a few people about this phenomenon, and they've all suggested meditation. Maybe it'll allow my mind to rest, the way it does while I'm unaware and sleeping. I've only heard positive things about the practice, and hey, my cats practically meditate 20+ hours of the day...or is that sleeping?

Either way, I started tonight, joining the cats on their "meditative" cushion. I downloaded a Spa Sounds album from my iTunes and let that play in the background as I lit a scented candle and settled in front of our fake fireplace. Ben, the hubby, just painted the space inside the mantle a nice calming grey, which provided me with a neutral space to zone out in. I started with my eyes slightly open, jaw relaxed, while breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, however, I found it pretty difficult to keep my eyes open and not think too hard about blinking...so I decided to go eyes closed. I tried to focus on taking clean breaths in, and letting all the energy out as I exhaled through my mouth. But once again, this was too distracting...at least for now. So I just sat and let my brain idol. If I discovered I was focusing on a thought, I did my best to let it go and listen to the peaceful sounds from the Spa album. This was pretty effective. I think the cats got the hang of it as well, as Foster (the eldest) came to settle in my lap for a moment or two. All in all, I gave it about 25-30 minutes, which was a good try for the first time. A lot of that was me, coaching myself to let my thoughts go, ignore the outside sounds, focus on breathing, focus on nothing, etc. I think I'll be able to get better as time goes on, but I'd say I feel pretty good and refreshed. I suppose I could compare it to emptying out the trash on your computer at the end of the day. Just letting all the random things you've collected during the day float away into the abyss.

I found this super handy chart that gives you the basics of meditation. Of course more goes into it, and I'll be reading up on it, but for now, I feel like I had a great start :)

Courtesy of SkinEnergizer.com

Making Positive Change

I've decided to start a blog as a way to document my successes (and surely failures) in my life. I recently hit a wall in my life...not in a bad way, just in the way that makes you think about things. I'm a 24 year old (25 in April) newlywed with a wonderful husband and two adorable cats. I'm the type of person that loves projects...I need to be busy in order to feel as if I'm doing something with my life. 

I was lucky to have a HUGE project to work on for a year-and-a-half...you guessed it...my wedding! This was a fantastic event that was so beautiful and special. It was handmade and crafted to our liking and incorporated many elements from our lives - my dad was our officiant, I had a good friend play classical guitar in the ceremony (I'm a professional classical pianist), handmade redwood rounds from the performing arts camp I work at, a homemade wedding cake from my sister, speeches from everyone in our families...the list goes on. My mom, sister, and I crafted our butts off making everything from the seed-bomb favors to the table cards. My mom's cousin Pat and her husband Richie flew in a week early and immediately got down to work. Richie, an incredibly talented photographer, started photo documenting everything the instant their feet hit the ground. And my mom and Pat worked day and night to get everything sorted - up to the hour before the ceremony. I had the time of my life making this all happen. My family enjoyed themselves as well, but as my mom said to me the other day, "I almost died with all of the work we did." Which is a very fair statement, and one I certainly believe. 

So, my life up to this point was also busy - I graduated with my undergraduate degree in Piano Performance from San Francisco State University (go gators) in 2012. I immediately flew to Scotland to start my 1 year master's program for Piano Accompaniment. Graduated from the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland in October of 2013. I also got engaged while I was over there - a beautiful story, for another day. Moved to Los Angeles in June of 2013 (I got permission to do my final project for my master's stateside). Set up our apartment, worked about 5 jobs before landing a secure job at Fullerton College in Fullerton CA as the accompanist for the vocal program. Got married, August 2014, went on honeymoon, came back and immediately started work at school. Got through Christmas 2014 (my sister got engaged on Christmas Day...YAY!), New Years 2015, and now we're in March...BAM!! WALL!!! 

OK - let's be real...not a true wall. Both my husband and I have great jobs. He's a Wealth Manager for Morgan Stanley Beverly Hills. We have a lovely home which is furnished with not only the necessities, but elements that make a home homely. Like I said before, we have 2 cats - both rescues. We have the time, and money, to go out and see movies, hit balls at the driving range, go to happy hour, etc. But still - something was off. I didn't realize it until the dust had settled from the whirlwind year we had before. Once that dust settled...roughly a month ago...I was able to see that there were aspects of my life that were wearing on me. This was affecting my overall happiness in life. Ugh!! So frustrating!

So why was I unhappy? What was making me unhappy? Was a really unhappy? Is this what it feels like to be an adult? Am I really an adult? Whoa!! There it was...I am an adult...and I hadn't really ever thought about it before. As a kid, you look up to adults...pretty much anyone in college and older is an adult when you're a child. But as you grow into adulthood, there's no sign you come to in life that says "Congratulations!!! You're an adult!" I don't really like to think about being an adult...I'm just older and more mature. I'm married (that was a weird one to think about for a while) and I have a husband (that one was even weirder). I am financially stable. I am not dependent on anyone except myself and my husband. I file for taxes, I have my own car which I'm making payments on, I have insurance, I take my cats to the vet, we've invested our money. Yup...I'm officially an adult.

Once this hit me, I realized it's not a bad thing at all. It's actually very cool! My husband loves me, and I love him...even though as I write this, he's just finished chewing loudly on his beef jerky we picked up at the farmer's market this morning, and is now flossing his teeth...loudly. I'm going to digress for a moment and share a secret with you. You ready? It's kind of a weird one......I absolutely cannot stand the sound of animals licking...and cats do it a lot. They bathe themselves all day long. And they do it in the middle of the night, on top of your legs. I've suddenly realized that the sound you make while gnawing on a piece of beef jerky is incredibly similar to animal licking sounds. So now I'm laughing and so is my husband, because he's come to this realization as well. Though he might not understand this particular irritation of mine, he respects it, and has since ceased all chewing/flossing. 

OK, back to the topic at hand. Yes! I'm an adult! Woohoo!!! But something was still bothering me. So I chatted to a great friend of mine, a truly awesome human being that makes this world a much better place. She gave me some books to read, including a book called "Happier at Home" by Gretchen Rubin. I haven't yet finished it, but it really inspired me to make some positive changes in my life and focus on improving all of the little things that are making me "unhappy." There we are...we finally arrived at the inspiration for this particular blog post. 

In an effort to continue my happiness, and make sure everyone in my life is loved and happy as well, I am going to start working on the little things in life that will hopefully ultimately change my overall happiness level from an 85% to well over 100%! Gretchen went about it by picking one thing to work on each month, and I will do that as well, but I also want to make this blog about the little things that make me happy. Whether it be painting my room (just did it), learning to do a new craft like candle making, or just making sure I get time to nap on the couch in the middle of the day with a kitten or two. (Naps are soooo underrated). 

So there we have it. I will be making positive changes in my life that will not only affect my own happiness, but hopefully encourage and inspire others to do the same. We only get one life to live, and as my mother-in-law Amanda (Milly) always says, DPJ - don't postpone joy.